I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
