wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
