I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
