sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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