Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
