apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
