Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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