make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.