Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?