I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties