Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.