She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.