I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.