he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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