im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
