bring money and cleavage
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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