and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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