OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
