last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
