I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
