Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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