how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's blow job season.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
