direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
