Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
