This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
