hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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