My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
