Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
