Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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