The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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