Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
