Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
