his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
