she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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