omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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