porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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