It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
