Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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