Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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