mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
