help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
