bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i dont even know how to be here
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
