Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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