Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
