I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
