what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
