rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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