I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
