Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will pee on everything he values.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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