im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
