after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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