So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A bitchslap is in order.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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