hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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