i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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