is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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