you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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