Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
