hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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