I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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