please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
