Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
