i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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