The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize