Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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