Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
