hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
