I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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