"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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