went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
