At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
