If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
