Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
