i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
