so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
