Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
