this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
